Why oh why did I watch this movie? Why? Because the trailer looked interesting? Because I thought that it would have learned from ‘American Wedding’ and would have been funnier? Was it because I had faith in this series because I was a young kid when the series first began? ALL OF THOSE REASONS confirm as to why I watched this damn movie, and let me be quite frank here; THIS WAS SOME BULLLLLSHIT!

            Let me be completely straight with you (as I always am, but I needed to emphasize), the main reason why I didn’t like this movie is because it literally BORED THE EVER LIVING SHIT out of me. People, when I tell you that I had the GREATEST URGE to walk out of that movie theatre, it’s not a joke. I’ve never walked out of a movie theatre before (came close when my mom and I watched Star Wars Episode 2) but I had the urge to do it today, and quite honestly, that would have been the best decision, but I don’t have it in me to do that. This movie made me so angry, people. If the trailers before this movie played for 2 hours, I would have been more entertained, and I strongly believe that. But, let me at least talk about the story (even though I don’t want to).

The old gang has grown up; they’ve got ahead in life, whether it is married with kids or enjoying a successful career. We all have our memories of high school (I won’t get into mine), and we all have those memories that we wish we could relive, but the main thing that we have are the people who were there to live them with us. This is why reunions are made: to bring those people back into our lives to reminisce about those memories that we’ve cherished together, whether we liked the people or not. A lot of people change, some people stay the same, but when high school is involved, people can’t help themselves but transform themselves back into their teenaged days, and here is where I stop being so nice.

IF THE MAIN CHARACTERS CAN GROW UP, WHY CAN’T THIS MOVIE?! I DON’T GET IT! HOW MANY TIMES AM I GOING TO WATCH THE SAME CREW, WITH THE SAME OBJECTIVES, IN DIFFERENT SCENARIOS, DO THE SAME SHIT THAT THEY’VE BEEN DOING SINCE 1999?! Listen, the main reason why we loved ‘American Pie 1 & 2’ was because it was new, it was a fresh idea, and it was funny…AT THAT PARTICULAR TIME! Much like Superbad, 30 Minutes or Less & 50/50, American Pie was an innovator in comedy, and that’s the reason why they remained relevant and funny. As time went on, the characters grew, but the movie stayed the same as if the same audience that was (in my case) 10 & 11 years old. You’ve got to move with the times. Maybe it’s because I don’t have any white friends that I may not find some things funny, because (not to generalize or anything), White people laugh at a lot of stuff that I don’t find funny at all (Monty Python, National Lampoon, 3 Stooges). I’ve watched a bunch of comedies, but watching this movie, it hardly felt comedic. I laughed 3 times for the duration of the movie. If this is a movie, then Chris Farley is rolling in his grave with the QUICKNESS, because the Beverly Hill Ninja didn’t die for American Pie to become one piece of trash movie franchise. It’s like what happened with the Scary Movie franchise when they decided to become all fancy; IT DIDN’T WORK!

Acting? ZZZZ! Humour? ZZZZ! I guarantee you an 18-year-old could have written this script, because that’s how I felt it was portrayed, and it’s a new generation, but it just did not do it for me. I couldn’t stand the fact that it was using shock treatment to get laughs, as been the whole stigma for comedies these days (well, at least some of them), but it’s not for me, you guys can have that. I want no parts of it.

I hope that this is the last movie in this series, because I’ll tell you right now, I’m not watching another one if there is. Hell, I’m not even going to bother watching the original American Pie movies for reassurance. This whole series can go to hell for all I care; I’m so disappointed. I expected more out of it, but honestly, what could I have expected? The whole series is based on “partying and getting laid while hanging out with your friends as you do stupid shit,” and it hasn’t strayed far from that unfortunately. It’s time to hang it up, because BOY, I’ve hung this shit right up over the clothesline and I’m letting it air dry, but only not to be worn….ever again. That’s it. My review (more like a bashing), my opinion

That’s My Word & It STiXX