35

Ain’t that something? Ten years removed from what’s always been deemed the ‘quarter life crisis,’ and yet there still happens to be turmoil throughout. But that’s just life in general. We adjust. We adapt. We roll with the punches, and most importantly, we grow. That’s the beautiful thing about life; the opportunities to learn from previous experiences, and shape ourselves into better individuals, if that’s what we choose to do, because a lot of people like to be set in their ways and be happy with that. There are no set rules on how you should conduct your life, but in a general sense, self-improvement should be a baseline requirement.

I’ve always looked forward to getting older. It’s a blessing to see new life on a daily basis, and even greater to see another year. My 30s so far have been a whirlwind of an experience that has made me feel like I’ve lived 3 different lives in a span of 5 years now. From all things lost & gained, through faults of my own or outside of my control, I feel like I’ve evolved in many ways, while still moving forward. Regardless if I’m feeling up or down at the particular time, it’s always forward. Birthdays haven’t always ever been a high point of satisfaction & celebration, and I don’t know when it exactly started, but there’s always a grieving period that leads up to it. It’s equal parts a celebration of life, but a mourning of a version of yourself that you’re leaving behind. Taking all things into account for what transpired over the course of a year, it can be heavy, but in fairness, how I brought in 34 wasn’t exactly on a high note, and it was a tough year not even a week into it. But all of that brought me here, staring 35 years in the mirror to ask myself, “what’s next?”

I still have the same ambitions that drive me on a daily basis, but I know that a lot of my joy has faded. My overall enthusiasm was brought down, and this could be the perspective of my grief speaking through me (with other life shit factoring in), but it’s important that I feel my way through this. I’m alive, I’m healthy (my doctors say so), I’ve been loving Boxing since I started, I know that I’m surrounded by loving people even if it’s not often expressed (and vice versa), and I know that there are a lot of people who don’t share the same fortunes, so I’m grateful for what I have, even if it isn’t a whole lot. I’m unnecessarily hard on myself at times, but that comes along when I have expectations of myself. There are a lot of things that I can’t control, so releasing that feeling has been a challenge, but it’s allowed me to really relish and appreciate the opportunities that come my way. Everything happens in its own time, but I know I can move with a little bit more sense of urgency (charming advice that was given to me a while back).

All of that said, here’s to me, to new adventures, restored joy & measured optimism, to new challenges that will give me headaches, but will help me become wiser; to developed techniques physically, mentally, and emotionally to propel me into becoming more of a version of myself that I love; and here’s to embracing grief and all of the emotions that come with it, in order to celebrate the unknown that’s in store. Time to take another leap. Here’s to 35.

That’s My Word & It STiXX