“You talk too much” “You have a big mouth” “You’re not going to do anything well in life” “You need to stop talking so much”

You know, I’ve been told a variety of different phrases that all relate to me being asked to refrain from speaking, or not speaking so much. My earliest recollection was the 3rd grade (Ms. Lee, I love you) at a Parent – Teacher interview (Lord, I HATED THOSE). I knew that I talked a lot, I’ve always been the joker of the class (both laughed at and laughed with). It’s a common phrase that followed me until my last two years in high school. I had to find a filter to get my thoughts out since I could never shut up. So, here I am….blogging….after abusing Facebook Home Feeds & Twitter Timelines for a collective 5 years. Now, let me get to the reason why I’m here.

Everyone has a dream, or multiple dreams. I look around my surroundings when I’m at work, or when I’m around people that I know, and I talk to them, and they tell me what they want in life, and how they try to get to their dreams. It’s a struggle to watch, because there are people who have that mentality that they’re only delaying themselves from making something happen in their lives. It hurts me to know that there are people who want something so bad, but have other things standing in their way, aside from themselves. It’s a challenge. A major one. To try and get over the hump that seems like it can never be conquered, but the problem is that they recognize the challenge, and they quit before they dip their toe in the water.

Happiness is something that is embedded in our lives at something that can be attained, but no one tells us how or when we attain it, because we all have our degrees of happiness, and what makes us happier than anything in the world. But, to live worry free and be at peace is the true meaning of happiness; to have all weights lifted and to walk like you’re on clouds, never to return back to Earth, because you’ve endured the pain of getting to happiness in the first place.

I don’t consider myself to be a happy person. I have my moments when I’m happy in the moment, but I’ll never be truly happy simply until certain things happen in my life. One of them is my mother. I love her to death, she’s the single most important person in my life. What I would do without her, Lord knows (No Rozay). It’s hard being a single parent. It’s hard being a single parent when you’re a teenager, and you’re pretty much struggling to hold together 2 lives. I can’t imagine the things that she went through to ensure that her son could have the life that he has today. One thing that has always bothered me, through talking to her, is that she had dreams, she had aspirations, and I’m sure she still does, but the fact was that, I came to be, and I got in the way of her dreams. I know that having a child is a blessing, but I’ll never be able to put it past me, the fact that I came in the way of my mother’s dreams. I won’t stop until she’s happy. That’s my number 1 goal in life, because she deserves the world and more, and not a lot of people treat their parents with the love that they’re supposed to, and that’s really sad. They gave you life, why can’t you give it back?

In the Bible (like I would know anything about it), there’s a verse that goes something like, “look and ye shall receive” or something like that, I honestly don’t know, and I’m way too lazy & comfortable in my bed to look it up or ask. The point of the matter is that, no one looks to see how to get to their dreams, but yet they have these big ideas and big plans with no map to get there. I’m not an expert, but common sense would tell me that you NEED a plan. Everyone does, or else nothing will happen for you. It’s just that simple, and I’m sure you know that.

I’m speaking for the ones who have had to struggle for so long and are at the brink of defeat, I’m speaking for the many Black kids who can’t get a legit job because of the way they look, or where they live, and who they hangout with, even though they want a chance. I’m speaking for the hustlers and ballers that only feel that they have one thing going for them even though they haven’t seeked out other options. That’s where I came from. I came from witnessing struggle, dealing with death, and hoping for a ray of light in a dark tunnel. I came from sleeping in a jacket at night because there was no heat, or having the window open at night when I had whooping cough and the fresh air was my medicine when none was in the house. I come from getting kicked off the bus for not having a student pass, to begging people for bus fare when I had to get to school, to walking 10km home because the people I called my friends couldn’t spot me any change. That’s what I come from. Everyone has a story, everyone has a reason for wanting to be great in life.

I want to be great because of the 1% that made me lose the Grade 11 TV award in high school when I posted my best mark EVER (95%)! I want to be great because of all of the crap I took when I was in school, and no one wanted to take me serious. I want to be great because of the girls who crushed every opportunistic feeling I had for them in an instant. I want to be great because I want my family to have someone to be proud of so they can aspire to be something great as well. I want to represent the working class on the biggest stages and the brightest lights. I want to inspire a generation of children & youth to know that you don’t have to limit yourself to what society “wants you to do.” To not be a generic outcast, to have a voice, because we are ALL born with a mouth to speak, so never shut up, because if you have something to say, well damn it, SAY IT! Say it loud, and say it proud (I know most of you just quoted James Brown, and I’m NOT mad at you), but have a VISION! Have a goal, have some positive energy that you can feed off from to channel your inner greatness, because we all have it.

Maybe it’s listening to Common’s latest album ‘The Dreamer The Believer,’ or listening to Chuuwee’s ‘Reign’ that has got me feeling so uplifting. “We aiming pistols at reality in hopes of hittin’ dreams/ This is when black men become Kings.” The line says a lot, because it’s true, we have the dream in sight, but we have to shoot for it. THAT’S ALL IT IS! But too many people make it difficult, and I’ll never understand it. You only have ONE LIFE, WHY WAIT?! Why succumb to the average life? What is it worth? NOTHING! That’s the only answer. So you have to get out and be someone. Recognize your worth.

This is dedicated to Robert Jenkins & Valerie Joy Barrett. Lost, but will never EVER be forgotten.

That’s My Word & It STiXX