While I was writing my Love vent, I was on the phone with a friend. This friend happens to be a good friend, who’s also pretty damn smart and insightful. I asked her to write a piece on love because I wanted a woman’s view of it, and I felt like she would do it justice. This friend? Her name’s Nicole, and she’s a sweetheart, and I’m sure you’ll enjoy this, because it’s like I was reading one of my own pieces. Entertaining, Wise, and an overall enjoyment to partake in. So please, indulge, and afterwards, follow her —> @CandiiNiicol3

Love….

Can one really define what love is? Well I decided to go Google it, because come on, what’s really an answer without some help from Google right? Well it came up with a lot of results, but I chose the options I liked best, which were: “a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.” Now at first I laughed, because where do you really find a “profoundly tender, passionate…” blah blah blah…? This isn’t television, this is REAL LIFE YO! Where’s the PAIN? Where’s the SUFFERING? Then it really got me thinking, is that definition what love is SUPPOSED to be?

…the question now is what is LOVE TO YOU?

Before I start I’m going to put a disclaimer:

I ONLY SPEAK MY TRUTHS, FROM MY LIFE AND PERSONAL EXPERIENCES! JUDGING ME IS FUTILE. I’M JUST AN OPIONIST …now back to it.

We all know there’s a HUGE difference between being IN love and loving someone. Being IN love with someone, to me, is having the ability to give yourself to that ONE person wholeheartedly, that’s mind, body and soul. Being in love is a scary experience, because you never know if it’s going to be reciprocated, you never know if being in love with that person will better you as a person or crush your entire existence. I’ve seen a lot of people who were genuinely in love with someone and it either worked out amazingly in their favor or unfortunately it never worked out the way they wanted it to and it was a horrible experience. Many have killed themselves because they weren’t loved enough or they loved someone and it wasn’t what they expected it to be…love can be one of the most draining yet beautiful aspects of life, one can experience. Me, I’ve been in love, more than once, I’m not one to regret much that I’ve done in my life so I can say, that being in love was one of the greatest experiences, that I’ll never wish to forget. Some people have never been in love with anyone, because they simply don’t know what being in love is…it’s sad, but it happens. We’re so scarred from our pasts, we block out those in our present who are willing to give us all the love they can…it happens, such is life *shrug*. Some of us aren’t ready to be loved, because we don’t even love ourselves, so we wonder, how anyone else can love us? There is always something, always a reason, always an excuse that someone can come up with as to why they don’t love anyone or have never been in love with anyone. Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t live in the land of candy pops and vanilla ice cream, love at times can suck hairy Llama balls, you have to understand that being IN love isn’t always seen as a sacrifice, it’s an offering of self. Then one has to discover whether or not that offering will be beneficial or not. Think about it, when you’re in love with someone, its life altering, because now it’s not all about JUST you; it’s about the BOTH of you. You went from being one person, to ONE mind, ONE soul, and TWO bodies. So when you find that person, and you fall in love with them, you no longer see it as a sacrifice…you see it as a beautiful thing,  you see it as something you can offer your other as YOUR love, the willingness to give them, all you can, which is you. Now PLEASE, don’t read this and think “oh I’m going to go and lose all my God given senses all in the name of love” … I believe, love is something you GAIN from.

BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE SHOULD NOT BE CONFUSED AS HAVING LOVE FOR SOMEONE!

A lot of people have this stupid notion that when someone says “I have love for you” it’s the same as one saying “I’m in love with you” NO, NO AND NOOO. If someone says that have love for you, take that as a sign of respect and a deeper bond, between the both of you. Yes, that’s even if it’s coming from a female to a male. Guys, because a girl says she loves you, doesn’t mean she’s in love with you (though at times it can be the case) it simply means, she’s got a deeper respect for you and your friendship…Don’t go rambling to your boys during your gossip time, telling ‘em that you got this chick on your dick heavy…cool nuh. Now to the girls, if he says he loves you, don’t jump to the conclusion that he’s IN LOVE with you…again there is a difference, please don’t make yourselves look like fools bragging about how a man said he loved you, until you know what context he meant it in…7 times out of 10, he only meant that in the friendship way.

I want to make something clear. Allowing someone, to constantly hurt you or mistreat you IS NOT LOVE…its stupidity. Another thing, THERE IS NO LOVE IN HARMFUL ABUSE! If they verbally, physically and emotionally hurt you, they don’t really love you, nor do you really love yourself for allowing it to happen. Yes, I know getting rid of that person is easier said than done, buuuuut come on lets understand something. If that person really cared for you, would you have reason to feel anything but love from them? There is no love when there is doubt, just like there is no love when there is no respect or trust. Some of you in relationships now need to ask yourself, do you wholeheartedly respect, trust, love your other? If there is any doubt, maybe you need to re-evaluate that relationship or even yourself as a person. Relationships are steps to something bigger; it’s a constant learning experience, it’s a foundation. Like a foundation though, if the base isn’t solid, it will eventually fall and crush everything beneath it.  Don’t let that fairy tale of relationships and how “amazingly awesome” they are, confuse you from what happiness and love is. Love shelters no doubt, love is respect, truth, and trust…those are also key elements to any/all personal relationships that you’ll encounter in life.

Now I’ve been hurt, I don’t know someone who hasn’t. Everyone comes with a past, some peoples pasts are easily covered up then others. Despite what that past may contain, if one if willing to make effort to make their present better and they’re asking you to be a part of it, TAKE THAT CHANCE. Life is all about taking risks and seizing opportunities. Yes, there is a chance that you’ll get hurt, but hey, what’s life without experience? What’s love without risk? I believe that if you truly want to find happiness, if you truly want to find love, you’ll do what it takes to do so. Just because love isn’t knocking at your door this instant, doesn’t mean it won’t mail you a letter, or creep in your bedroom window…don’t close off your minds and hearts because things in your past weren’t ideal or because right now, it seems like you’re going to die with a shriveled penis or a cob web vagina…love takes its own time, however, love will only come to one that WANTS it. So in other words if you continue fucking with your ex that only hurts you or you keep choosing to be with people that you KNOW aren’t good for your progress, but for some dumb reason you think you can change them, I don’t believe you really want love or someone to love you…but, when you respect yourself enough to start doing good for yourself, you’ll notice everything will get a bit better…and hopefully, in due time, you’ll get what you deserve.

So what I’ve learned from all my life experiences is that everyone has their own definition of love, what love is to me, isn’t what you would consider love. We may all have the general idea of what love is supposed to be about, but when it comes down to it, when it comes down to personal experiences, pasts, people in our lives current and present, love has thousands of definitions, love has thousands of meanings, to tens of thousands of people. You’ll never be able to experience love the way another person lives it, because no one pisses the same, shit’s the same, and sure as hell doesn’t love the same either.

I don’t have an ender like Jordan does, so I’ll leave you with one of my favorite quotes:

“I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go. Things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right. You believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together.”

Marilyn Monroe.