There comes a particular point in time where you exert all patience and tolerance to someone and they literally just drain it all away. What happens when that happens? How do you react? How do you tell them ‘kindly’ to ‘fuck off’ (pardon the vulgar) when you’ve done all that you could to help out and be the better person? It’s quite exhausting isn’t it? Had I wrote this earlier in the day, I don’t think it would appear to be this calm and serene, but rather more aggressive and direct. I received a good piece of advice from one of my coworkers the other day: Never yell, don’t swear, and always keep calm – and that was about dealing with confrontation.
When it comes to having to deal with other people, sometimes (inadvertently) you stumble upon the baggage that they carry with them (bag lady, you gon hurt your back). It’s not your job per say to be the metaphorical ‘bell hop’ and carry the load with them (depending on your relationship) because you have stuff of your own to deal with. Now, many may look at that as the wrong approach when it comes to helping people out because you have to be empathetic and able to absorb their issues to help them get out of it. Sometimes, that’s the worst thing that you can do because it could end up hurting both people then helping. I say this because I was in a situation where I didn’t expect to be in the role that I would be in. I’m the type of person that listens to everyone, and perhaps the one time where I wasn’t looking for that type of connectedness, is where I was being drug through the mud. The last time I had an encounter like that and let the issues linger without a solution, I became a very miserable human being. I don’t like being a miserable human being, and no one should want to be miserable, although it’s something that most are content being. Why is that? I mean don’t you want better for yourself as others would? You’d think that, right? But the problem is that not a lot of people have that support system – I mean, they have no one to go to in certain situations. I just happened to show up at the right type to offer words of encouragement, but it developed into something that I didn’t want and it pretty much ruined what was going on in the first place.
It was my mother who taught me that you have to embrace your inner asshole because it allows you to rid yourself of certain situations as they come to light. To be the asshole is something that I really wasn’t much of (I had my moments, and I still do to a certain degree; I try to be genuine to those who show it) but I felt the need to have to become what I didn’t want to for the sake of my own sanity. It got to the point where this morning I was punching inanimate objects in my room out of frustration and was seconds away from throwing my phone across the room. I don’t like being mad, because I don’t really know how to control it – it’s not a sight anyone wants to see ever, so I won’t show it…again.
Don’t be afraid to be the person that says “listen, I know you’re going through some shit, and I’ll hear you vent, but I can’t be this emotional punching bag” because that’s honestly how I was feeling – like I was receiving EA Sports Fight Night Round 3 Haymakers across my face for the purpose of the person to get their feelings out and hopefully for them to improve; I wish that was the case. The crazy part is, you’re in it with the best intentions, and all they want is a friend, and you are that friend, but there’s only so much negativity you can put up with. It sounds selfish, but look at it this way – you wouldn’t want me constantly bitching and complaining to you about how miserable my life is day in and day out. Life’s hard, not everyone has it easy, but it’s what you can do to improve, and if you’re not doing that, how am I supposed to help? I had enough, and I had to move on – if I didn’t, then the message would never be clear, and I’d find myself in the same state. It’d be different if it was someone I generally cared about, but if I have no emotional attachment to the person, then what more can I do? I’m not a Saint, but I did what I could. Everyone needs an ear to listen to when they’re going through something, and others express themselves in different ways to get a release. It all depends on just what you want changed and how you’re going to go about it. You’re never truly alone in all of this – there’s someone for everyone, I’m just not the one.
That’s My Word & It STiXX