Nightmares Within a Dream – Vent XLVI

Sometimes you gotta ride to it (ride to it) cuz you know never know if a bullet might hit you and you die to it (die to it, die to it, die to it, die to it). Live ya life, life it right, be different, do different things. Don’t do it like He did, cuz He ain’t what you is, but we can win, wait, let’s get straight to the point…” – Kendrick Lamar (Kush & Corinthians)

I only have one life to live and I have to live it my way because you never know when Death may come knocking at your door, and you have to live it your way – the right way, so that you’ll have an opportunity to grow and prosper out of it. I can’t live my life how God did, because I’m only a projection of his image – I’m not him. What am I really trying to say here? What’s really going on in my head that’s causing these words to spill onto the canvas of a Word document? I couldn’t tell you. I’m just flowing the way a strong current does in water, with the aggression of a Bull ready to whip the rider off its back.

So much change has come, and it’s great – but to keep the foot on the pedal is something that a lot of people seem to lack when they reach a certain point of success, so let this be my open calling to my humility in which I aim to keep. Humility doesn’t impose weakness – it instills the fact that you remember where you came from and the people who helped you along the way. It’s incredible to see people who will just come and say that they’ve just been watching from the sidelines but not walking with you on the frontlines of the battlefield. When you’re doing well, the fake smiles appear, and the church hugs of congratulatory praises commence. Why is that? It’s funny, but then it’s sad, because you know that you have something that they want, and instead of getting it for themselves, they want what you have. I’m not under a personal attack, but I feel that it’ll happen. Animal instinct is one way you could look at it, because we all have that gut feeling when we sense some sort of hostility towards us. I was taught a lesson by my father when it came to a driving lesson – always focus on the good, never the bad.

There’s always room for improvement; and I know where I have doubt in myself, but I also know what I’m good at. Naturally you want to focus on the good, but Human nature forces you to look at what you’ve done wrong and what you can do to improve. I’m weird – I always have this mentality that I’m never doing anything good enough. You’d think it would drive me crazy, but yet it drives me crazy to become more motivated to do better in my life. What makes me tick? Why do I work as hard as I do? Why do I make certain decisions to create a better life down the line? Because I have one life to live, I can’t live it the way anyone else did or would, because I am not them – I represent self, but at the same time I represent ‘WE’ as in the people whom I carry on my shoulders. To be someone who wants to inspire a generation for the better, there’s a lot of work that has to be done:

See I’ve spent twenty three years on the earth searching for answers
Til’ one day I realized I had to come up with my own
I’m not on the outside looking in
I’m not on the inside looking out
I’m in the dead fucking center, looking around
– Kendrick Lamar (Ab-Soul’s Outro)

I always knew that I was different from the rest, but I would have never thought that I could be born to lead, to have influence over people, and to be something even more significant – a voice. I had to do a lot of thinking as to what it is that I want for myself. I want to be a voice for the people that doesn’t dictate having to be bland and accustomed to the same old same old that’s constantly being repeated day in and day out – it’s tiring, it’s annoying, and you’re taking up space on the metaphorical freeway – COME OUT DI LANE!

The same phrase I’ve been repeating and seeing all over the place is: if your dreams don’t scare you, they aren’t big enough. I’m pretty sure it’s safe to say that I’m completely in a (good) panic about my future. I didn’t think I’d be any good, I didn’t think that I’d see the potential in being great with the direction that I took it. Steven, the creator of Bacon Gang said it best: “it all started from a stupid idea” and to see it grow and manifest to what it is – you don’t know what the possibilities are until you take the extra step and explore…a small fish going from the glass bowl to the ocean is how I feel at this particular time, but I’m always prepared for what life will throw at me. The life I live hasn’t been regular since I was born – I know I’m here for a reason – the meaning of life is to see to it that that purpose has been deemed fulfilled. Find yours.

That’s My Word & It STiXX

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