“Sometimes I look in a mirror and ask myself:
Am I really scared of passing away? If it’s today, I hope I hear a
Cry out from heaven so loud it can water down a demon
With the holy ghost ’til it drown in the blood of Jesus” – Kendrick Lamar [Sing About Me]
There has definitely been a lot weighing on my brain as of recent, and it has clouded me from doing anything constructive or progressive. When you’re in a daze or in a funk, it’s often difficult to make sense of it to continue to move on in the right direction that you intended to coast on for as long as you could remember. I love life, but I hate the unexpected curves it throws you to deviate off course, and that deviation is something that is somewhat life-changing, and as unfortunate as it may be, the idea of death has surrounded me and it’s just an ugly lingering feeling that hinders imagination in a positive setting.\
Life changes when you have something to live for; situations change, priorities shift, and how you adjust to those priorities determines if you have the will to go forward, and forward is always the direction you want to go in but a lot of people tend to leer back towards their metaphorical cliffs and tumble. Trying to make sense of a life changing event hasn’t been like this for me in 10 years, and with a different state of mine and maturity, it somehow has the same effect on me when it comes to being a weight on my shoulders that’s not that easy to lift. Not being able to listen to music like I like to, not being able to write, not being able to go out and enjoy myself – it’s not ideal to stay inside because you feel like you’ve been chained to a problem that’s not in your control, but when it’s so close to home, it takes a different effect – that’s what I’m trying to deal with.
A reason why a lot of people fear death is because they don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards. Am I just going to be a shroud of dust to wander the Earth? Am I going to be a ghost? Will I be reborn in another life? Will I be reincarnated to a different species? There are a lot of questions that no one has the answers to, because the only people who do know what happens, well…you know. It’s a mysterious wonder because you know it’s going to happen eventually, but the idea is to live life to the fullest while you’re here, not fear life out of fear of death which is decades down the line. The worst part is thinking that it can happen at any instant, and then you think to yourself if you had really lived the life that you wanted. Because of circumstance, a lot of people don’t necessarily have that choice, but in terms of being able to have a control on your life experiences, you do want to take advantage of the most opportunities presented to you. The problem with North Americans is that we think we know struggle, when truly we’re some of the most fortunate people on Earth that take essentially everything for granted because we have access to essentially anything we want. That’s why I know that whatever you’re going through, it’s truly not that bad, and a great quote was said to me that put my whole thought process into perspective.
“There are days when I hate the world and don’t feel like getting out of bed, but the next day I realize – I’m okay. I’m not rich, but I’m okay”
Perseverance is a part of my nature, and I’ve been in plenty of situations before where I thought there was no end in sight, but there’s always the glimmer of hope that leads me to believe that it’ll be fine. There really is no time for self-pity or doubt, because that creates a shadow that grows to overbear an individual, and I’ve been there. I don’t wish to go back.
“I fight the good fight
Even on the bad days
It’s darkest before light
I’m gonna push through” – Glensky [Push Thru]
That’s My Word & It STiXX