Enough Already – Vent LXIX

“I been wrote off before, I got abandonment issues
I hold grudges like bad judges, don’t let me resent you”

  • Kendrick Lamar (Mortal Man)

I’m fed up of a lot of things, and it’s emotionally draining. When you try your best to continue over and over again to improve yourself, and setbacks keep popping up, it takes a toll on you physically, and emotionally. I don’t know if it’s a growing up thing, or if it’s simply bad luck, but there’s no denying that it’s pretty frustrating. How I deal with these things usually doesn’t come about with communicating with other people because a lot of the times, I don’t feel as though the people I’m talking to are sincere with their feelings when I come to them whenever I have a need to speak. Resentment and neglecting others are common traits within my life when it comes to dealing with people, and in this particular time in my life, I’m realizing more about myself as I work within the gray area to get to the other side…the side where the grass (apparently) is greener. There are moments (and they’ve been very recent) where I question whether I’ll be the person that I hope to be 10-15 years from now. It’s not an issue of self-doubt, but more so about the fact that I’m being thrown a lot of fast balls that I can’t hit.

I’m doing my best. I really am. I’m not a superhero, nor am I trying to be, but life’s making it seem like I have to be one in order to get what I want. I realize I’m still young and there’s no rush, but when things keep happening over and over, aren’t there times when you just say “why?” That’s where I’m at. I’m not starving, I’m not homeless, I’m just…annoyed with what’s been going on. My creativity has been dwindled, my ambition has taken a hit, and when I’m trying to make progress, something else comes up. It’s a lot, but…I always have to remember that it’s temporary. Things happen in life to test us. To see if we have the strength to persevere and push through. I have that strength, but at this current time, I just can’t be bothered…

Life – to be continued.

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